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NI AMARANGAMUTIMA ASANZWE KUBA WATERWA UBURAKARI N'AMAKOSA Y'UMWANA WAWE?

NI AMARANGAMUTIMA ASANZWE KUBA WATERWA UBURAKARI N'AMAKOSA Y'UMWANA WAWE?

Kubasha kugenzura amarangamutima y’uburakari mu buryo bukwiriye ni uburyo bwiza bwo kwerekera abana kandi bigatuma bumva barinzwe kandi bari mu biganza byizewe.

Ivan Nyagatare
Ivan Nyagatare
Uburakari ni amarangamutima asanzwe muri kamere muntu.

Kubasha kugenzura amarangamutima y’uburakari mu buryo bukwiriye ni uburyo bwiza bwo kwerekera abana kandi bigatuma bumva barinzwe kandi bari mu biganza byizewe.

Kwitoza kugenzura amarangamutima y’uburakari bigufasha gutuza mu gihe urakaye. Mu gihe ubona kugenzura uburakari bwawe bitakigushobokeye, ibyiza ni ukwisunga umujyanama mu by’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe.

Dusuzumire hamwe uru rugero.

Imvura yaramukiye ku muryango. Kandi ukeneye kujyana umwana wawe kwa muganga. Bisi ibajyana irabura iminota mike ngo ihaguruke. Mu gihe uri kugerageza kwambika umwana ikoti ry’imvura, we ntabwo ashaka kuryambara, ahubwo akiruka akwitaza.

Uzabyitwaramo ute nk’umubyeyi? Reka turebere hamwe bumwe mu buryo bushoboka bwo kubyitwaramo, hanyuma turebe uburyo bukwiriye – ndetse n’impamvu ari bwo twahitamo.

  • Kumusumira, ukamunyuzamo urushyi, kugira ngo umwereke ko atagomba kugusuzugura.
  • Kumwaka igikinisho cye akunda mu rwego rwo kumuhima.
  • Kumusobanurira ko hanze imvura yaciye ibintu. Kumujyana ku muryango hanyuma ukamwereka imvura. Ugashyira akaboko kawe mu mvura, kugira ngo umwereke ‘kunyagirwa’ icyo bisobanuye. Ukamusobanurira ko ari bukenere kwitwikira umutaka kugira ngo ataza gutota.

Kwihutira kurakara ntabwo ari cyo gisubizo[1][2]

Mu bihe byo kurera umwana ukiri muto (incuke), ni kenshi uzahura no guta umutwe cyangwa se kugarizwa n’impungenge ku bwe. Rimwe na rimwe ibyo byiyumvo bikaba byakuzamuramo uburakari. Ubusanzwe ikirakaza umubyeyi, ni uko aba yiyumvisha ko umwana we ari kuba ‘umwana mubi’.

Niba wibwira ko umwana wawe ashobora kugenzura imyitwarire ye kandi akaba arimo akurakaza abigambiriye, ntibizabura kukurakaza. Ariko ukwiriye kuzirikana ko umwana ukiri muto (incuke) ataba abasha kwiyumvisha amarangamutima yawe nk’umuntu mukuru. Ntabwo aba azi igishobora kukubangamira n’ikitari bukubangamire mu byo akora.

Aba akiri mu bihe byo guhuzagurika no gushakisha urumuri ku byerekeye imyitwarire iranga umuntu. Ashobora gukurwa umutima n’uburakari bwawe, kandi wowe iki ntabwo ari cyo uba umwitezeho!

Mu kurera umwana w’incuke, ‘utarasobanukirwa icyatsi n’ururo’, biba bisaba kumwihanganira cyane. Kugenzura amarangamutima yawe ni ingenzi cyane. Ibi bizamwigisha cyane cyane uko agomba kwitwara ubwe mu gihe yaba arakaye. Bisaba kwigenzura cyane no kumenya kwifata ku ruhande rw’umubyeyi.

Rimwe na rimwe bizagusaba kugerageza umwitozo wo guhumeka biganisha ku mutuzo, gufata akanya ko gutembera cyangwa se ukaba umubishije gato kugeza igihe wiyumva ubashije gutuza (ibi bitandukanye no kwikubita cyangwa se kwivumbura).

Kwigisha umwana ni uguhozaho, intambwe ku yindi. Umwana akenera igihe gihagije kugira ngo abashe gusobanukirwa neza ibyo dukeneye kumwigisha. Gusa gusobanukirwa neza kwabo ni cyo kimenyetso cyo kugera ku ntego zacu zo kurera neza nk’ababyeyi – kuko tuba tugamije kurera abazavamo abagabo n’abagore babereye umuryango, bakaba “ishema ry’ababyeyi babareze n’umuryango barerewemo = Kwibyara bitera ababyeyi ineza”.

Zimwe mu nama zagufasha kugenzura amarangamutima y’uburakari:

  • Gerageza kubara mu mutwe kugeza nibura ku 10 mbere y’uko ugira icyo uvuga cyangwa ukora. Niba wumva ukirakaye, ba ugiye hanze hanyuma wihe igihe cyo gutuza.
  • Gerageza kwiyoroshya mu mubiri, ugerageze guhumeka neza, wiyongorere amagambo agutera gutuza nka “nkwiriye gutuza, nta juru ryaguye” cyangwa se “nkwiriye kugerageza kubyoroshya”
  • Shyira amaboko inyuma kandi wibwire ko ukwiriye gutegereza. Wirinde kugira icyo uvuga, ubanze utuze rwose.
  • Fata akanya ko kugendagenda hanze no gutekereza ku ikosa ryabayeho. Gerageza kwiyumvisha impamvu zateye umwana wawe kwitwara uko yitwaye. Ugerageze “guhagarara mu nkweto ze”.
  • Gerageza gushaka igisubizo kidatesha agaciro uburyo bwe bwo gutekereza kandi ugerageze kumusobanurira icyakurakaje mu myitwarire ye.
  • Ushobora kwicara ahantu hatuje hanyuma ugafata akanya ko gutekereza ku myitwarire ikwiriye umubyeyi w’impuhwe. Numara kunonosora neza uburyo bukwiriye bwo kwitwara muri icyo kibazo kandi bujyanye na gahunda y’igihe kirekire y’uburere wateguriye umwana wawe, nibwo ukwiriye kwegera umwana wawe, hanyuma ukamuganiriza.
  • Wibuke ko uko ikibazo kibayeho, nabwo ni andi mahirwe yo kwigisha umwana wawe uburyo bwo gukemura amakimbirane hifashishijwe uburyo bw’ikiganiro kigamije kubonera ikibazo igisubizo.

Uburakari ni ikimenyetso kikugaragariza ko wowe n’umwana wawe hari urugero rw’ubwumvikane mutari kugeraho. Ibi rero bisobanura ko uba ukwiriye kongera gusuzumana ubwitonzi uburyo mugirana ikiganiro, ugamije kugira ibyo uvugururamo.

Ntugatume uburakari bugutera kuvuga amagambo y’umujinya akomeretsa umwana wawe, akamushyira hasi. Ntukamukankamire kandi cyangwa ngo umuhondagure. Kandi ntukabike inzika ngo wumve ko ukeneye kumwihimuraho cyangwa se kumuhima umuryoza ikosa yakoze.

Wibuke kandi ko twiga neza muri bya bihe biba bidukomereye. Ukoreshe buri mahirwe ubonye kugira ngo ugerageze kuba intangarugero ku mwana wawe, mbese umwiyereke nk’umubyeyi ukwiriye, uwo wifuza ko azaba mu minsi iri imbere nawe amaze gufata inshingano ze.


[1] www.raisingchildren.net.au/anger&ager-management-ideas-for-a-better-parenting. rwasuwe kuwa 06/02/2021 saa 9:30am.

[2] Siegel, J. & Hartzell, M. (2004). Parenting from the inside out: How deeper self understanding can help you raise children who strive. New York: Penguin Group.